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Almost all African marriages include dowry or bride’s price or “lobolo” or “bohadi”. A young man would not feel good if he is not required to give “lobolo” or “bohadi”, The amount of money or property or number of cows varies from one family to another and from one tribe to another. A young man pays “lobolo” according to the standards and status of that family or tribe. When the two negotiating teams have finished their job, which might involve two to three visits depending on whether they do not reach a deadlock, a date for sealing a covenant or relationship between two families would be arranged. Normally the prospective bride’s family arranges that ceremony, which is also coupled with the ritual of receiving and accepting the prospective bridegroom into the family as their son. A sheep is slaughtered and its blood is used as a material to seal to a covenant and confirm a relationship between two families.

Traditionally a man does not pay the bride’s price or dowry or “bohadi” or “lobolo” in full because that would be interpreted to mean that his family is breaking ties with his prospective wife’s family. In fact, the young man must be seen to be struggling to pay the rest of the amount, and a concession would be made for him to pay less than the amount originally required. He would pay 80 to 90% of the “bohadi” or “lobolo”, and the rest would remain as a balance or debt. The young man is not expected to pay this amount of money or cows. He is eternally indebted to his family-in-law at two levels, (1) for receiving a precious gift of a wife, and (2) for the balance of “lobolo” or “bohadi” that he does not have to pay.

It should be noted that “lobolo” or “bohadi” is not a price to purchase a woman, but a gift to the other woman’s family, and a test to a young man to check if he is capable of providing for his family. Women are precious in African culture, and they are not for sale. In fact, women are encouraged to leave if they are continuously mistreated, especially if both families have tried but have not been able to resolve that conflict. The same applies to a young man. If a young woman misbehaves, and both families are not able to solve that problem, a young man is encouraged either to divorce or (in some cases) to consider polygamy.

African Marriage ceremonies vary from one family to another and from one tribe to another. Marriage is a community event. Among many traditional Africans, there are no invitation cards. For example, in Sesotho culture, a white flag or cloth is flown higher at the bride’s home as a sign to communicate two messages, namely, (1) that there is a wedding in this house, and (2) the entire community is invited.

African marriage ceremonies are often conducted on one day, or two days or even several days – depending on the traditions of the family or tribe. Ceremonies vary from one family to another. There is a lot of preparation in terms of songs to be sung, speeches to be made, counselling of the bride and bridegroom by representatives from families, community, elders, church, king or chief of the territory, friends and neighbours. There is a lot of exchanging of gifts between the two families, gifts from the community members to the newly wedded couple. Marriage brings two families into one.

I think Africa has something to offer to the world in terms of its family and marriage structures, especially in the light of the fact that marriages are under attack and are crumbling. Extended families are critical in ensuring the stability and support of marriages. Uncles and aunts, grannies, and relatives should play a critical role in forming a support for the newly wedded couple. This will ensure a healthy family, healthy tribe or society, and a healthy nation. The wellness and health of the family are critical in providing a healthy nation, and producing peaceful societies.

Like in many cultural groups, African marriages are not perfect and still need to learn from other cultural groups, but Africa has its unique contribution to the world in terms of supportive family and marriage structures, and the concept and practice of “ubuntu”.

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Whether you like it or not, for the respective moms of the couple, especially the mother of the bride, weddings of their children will always cause a pinch in their hearts. And even if she’s made to wear the most elegant of the mother of the bride dresses, she cannot help but cry during this momentous occasion.

So what can you do from your end to take care of your mom in a time when you yourself are busy and pressured enough with all the preparations? How do you tell her you love her despite the unbelievable amount of wedding jitters that seem to consume you? Is it enough to let her choose from among the many mother of the bride dresses sold in the bridal stores?

Keep Her Relevant

Make sure that even if you are already very busy, you don’t let your mom feel out-of-place. And the best way for you to do this is to keep her in the planning sessions. Yes, sometimes, you’d rather want to do things on your own but keeping her in would actually make your life easier. Who knows, because your mom got very elated because you are making her opinion count, she’ll say you don’t have to worry about mother of the bride dresses because she’ll take care of her own gown! Savings right in your face, right?

Remember that in making your mom a part of the plan, you are not only keeping her in. You are also starting to “polish” relationships, this time between your mom and you as a wife of your husband. Remember, not everyone remains to a have a great relationship with their families, especially her mom after getting married. So the sooner you start trying, the better results you’ll get.

Treat Her

Treating your mom primarily means letting her choose from the best mother of the bride dresses. Then, it means giving her the chance to take care of the things for the wedding. This may include finalizing the guest list, contacting some suppliers and visiting the venue for an ocular inspection.

Get Her Ready

Regardless of how much effort you put into preparing your mom that you will no longer be her baby, the task would never be a success if your mom is not yet open for it. Therefore, as early as during the planning stage, inform her, as tactfully and politely as possible, that you will already have a life of your own. Thank her for the love and care and for preparing her for your married life.

The level of acceptance would vary from one mom to another and would also depend on the extent of your closeness. But with time, she’ll get by.

Moms will always be moms. So when she cries during your wedding day, let her be. It won’t do you and your wedding any harm. It is a right that she has gained for being in one of the most fabulous and stunning mother of the bride dresses. After all, she is the second most important woman in the wedding!

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Chinese marriage is generally looked upon as an occasion for extending family. The whole process goes an elaborate marriage proposal and acceptance. Generally, middle man plays a great role in solemnizing the marriage.

Marriage proposal comes from the boy’s side. Marriage is considered important for continuing the ancestral line and creating alliances. Important parties in proposal and betrothal negotiations were the parents of the prospective bride and groom.

When the boy and girl attain the marriage age, the search for the prospective life partner is started. Generally, the boy’s parents after selecting a particular girl sent a middle man to her house. He is accompanied by number of gifts. If the girl’s parents accept the proposal, they will tell the middle man date and hour of the girl’s birth which will be recorded in a document.

This document is kept on family’s alter for three days. If it does not present any bad omen like family quarrel or loss of property, then the girl will be considered favorable for the groom.

Only then the birth time of the boy will be conveyed to the girl parents. When complete compatibility is ascertained, face to face meeting is fixed by both of the parties. Education, family status and wealth are evaluated. Only after complete satisfaction, the marriage date is fixed.

Marriage tokens are exchanged between the two families. Then the bargaining is made to arrive at the cost of the gifts and goods that will be given to the bride’s family. An auspicious date is generally decided for the marriage.

The girl is given gifts by the bridal family which includes cash, tea, wine, tobacco and bridal cakes. Bridal cakes are distributed among friends and relatives. It is a form of announcement for the wedding. Boy’s family is given the gifts by the girl’s family.

Boy’s family recognizes the efforts of the parents in raising up a girl so they sent a number of gifts for the girl’s family and by accepting them, her parents pledge her to the boy. In Chinese marriage, girl is given to the family rather than to the boy alone.

After some days, dowry is sent to groom’s house. It consists of pot consisting of coins and fruits. In this way, girl’s family find an opportunity to display their wealth and love for their daughter.

In Chinese marriages, a girl generally lives a life of isolation away from daily routine. She is accompanied by her friends. Songs are sung. Often her friends would say taunts for the parents and middle man who have arranged for her separation with her parents.

On wedding day, girl takes bath in water containing the grape water and perfumes to ward off the evil spirits. Hair is done in beautiful style by a good luck woman. A good luck woman is that who is married and is having children.

Then she is carried on to the main hall by the lucky woman on her back. Then she puts on her jacket and skirt. Red shoes are put on in her feet. Her face is covered by the silk veil. Then she bowed before her parents to seek their blessings.

Groom is dressed in a long red gown, red shoes and a red silk sash over his shoulder; he bowed in front of his parents. Red cap is put over his head and the whole procession leads for the bride’s house. Crackers are burnt and drums are played to ward off the evil spirits.

Groom takes meals with the girl’s family where he is presented with chopsticks. Special dishes are served to him. Then bride is carried at a sedan chair to the groom’s house.

Couple wed is decorated beautifully. Dates, grapes and pomegranates are spread on the bed and children are made to sit on the bed. This is done to bless the couple with lots of children and happy married life.

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