Treasure Wiki

The procedures of an ancient Chinese marriage are captured in the phrase “Three (3) Letters and Six (6) Etiquettes”.

What are the three letters?

The Three Letters are the engagement letter, the delivery of gifts letter and the taking of the bride letter.

In ancient times, if a man is interested in a woman, he will engage a middlemen (a middle-women actually) to explore the possibility and if appropriate to convey his intentions to the woman’s family. If the woman’s family finds him acceptable, they will notify him and he can make the official proposal by delivering the formal letter of engagement on an auspicious date.

At this stage the women’s family can still say no to the proposal. As you would expect there are still a lot of things to sort out and to negotiate over.

If the proposal is accepted, the next step is to deliver wedding gifts to the woman’s family. These wedding gifts which are normally expensive are accompanied by the ‘Delivery of Gift’ letter which is essentially a list of items and quantity much like a delivery order! By signing this letter and taking delivery of the gifts, it signifies the women’s family acceptance of the marriage.

The itemized ‘Delivery of Gift’ letter is also a safeguard against pilferage by the delivery team!

The third letter is known as the ‘Taking the Bride’ Letter as it is the letter that the groom produces when he arrives at the bride’s home on the wedding day. Upon acceptance of the letter, the bride is deemed to have joined the groom and become a member of the groom’s family.

It is no wonder why the bride mothers weep uncontrollably on wedding days. It is like losing a daughter!

What then are the Six Etiquettes?

It refers to the six main procedures in an ancient Chinese marriage. It includes the official proposal, the checking of Ba Zi (compatibility using a system of Chinese Astrology), selection of auspicious date for the wedding, delivery of gifts, confirmation of wedding dates and finally the wedding itself.

Once the man has set his eyes on the girl, he sends an official proposal to the woman’s family. Once the proposal is accepted, he will seek the services of an astrologer to determine if they are compatible. Research will also be done to ensure that there is no blood relationship between them. At this stage the engagement can be called off if they are not compatible or if their blood line are somewhat connected.

The next step is the selection of auspicious date for wedding followed by followed by the delivery of gifts.

After the gifts are accepted, the woman’s family will seek an astrologer to check the auspiciousness of the proposed wedding.

This followed by the six and final etiquette, the wedding itself!

international dating

Polish marriage is no different from any marriage. As Poland is basically 90% Catholics, the marriage is ordained by the church. In essence, Polish marriage starts with a typical Catholic wedding where the bride and groom face the priest who officiate the wedding.

The wedding is attended by the bride and groom’s family and friends. The objective of the ceremony is to unite the couples in holy matrimony. Once they are declared as husband and wife by the officiating minister, they are considered to be married both in the eyes of the public and in the eyes of God.

However, not all Polish marriages started with a church wedding. Man and woman who plan to get married can have marriage rites from civil wedding rather than church wedding. Civil wedding is considered legal since it is declared by a judge, and it is supported by legal documents stating the marriage of the couples.

The legal documents are registered in the Civil Registry and other corresponding government agencies that declare the union of the couples, thus changing their marital status. Nevertheless, some weddings for couples in Poland may start with a civil wedding and proceeded with church wedding. This double event in wedding was rampant during the communist ruling where the government does not consider it legal if only the church wedding was done.

Today, however, it is already acceptable for two couples to proceed with the church wedding as consistent announcement and documentation follow to make the Polish marriage legal. In other words, there is no need to prepare for civil wedding and church wedding, as part of the church wedding preparation is the documentation of marriage union.

Polish marriage basically starts at the age of twenty-three for women and twenty-six for men. Whilst Polish marriage is a decision between man and woman, the woman is put in the spotlight in marriage because they are the ones who handle the family matters most of the time. Poland cultures give importance to the family and it is up to the woman to see to it that the affairs of the family are in place.

Of course, men also have influence on the success and failure of Polish marriage but women have more influence than men. Women generally are given the responsibility as the homemaker, raising children, taking care of spouse, and ensuring that everyone is satisfied and happy as much as possible.

In fact, while men have only one job to take, women have the tendency to work double jobs just to ensure that every financial need will be met in the family. Generally, women in Poland are educated, so they can work professionally even when they are married.

In conclusion, Polish marriage starts with a wedding either in civil ceremony or church ceremony. In modern times, church weddings would usually suffice. When the couples are married the woman has a greater role and influence over the affairs of the family. They are given huge responsibility to take care of the children and her husband. Since most women are educated, they can work professionally and they do so even if it means working double jobs. This is usually done for the sake of the family that they built.

african mail order brides

Chinese Weddings

Chinese weddings are often steeped in tradition. Thus, for Chinese wedding dresses, red is normally the traditional color and white is not recommended. The red color also applies to many Asian cultures. Red is preferred because it is central to most of their themes. From wedding favors, invitations to dresses, the color red always features prominently. From the decorations to the bride’s dress, red must be visible.

Chinese Wedding Dress

The traditional bridal dress is usually a one-piece frock referred to as Qi Pao, embroidered using elaborate silver and gold designs. Southern China brides normally wear a two-piece called Cheongsam or Qun Gua Kwa, which is also adorned, elaborately by golden dragon and phoenix. The dress is normally red in color because red is believed to be a strong good luck color keeping away evil spirits.

Traditionally, a red veil piece was part of the bride’s outfit for covering her face during the ceremony. Phoenix and dragon bridal dress designs symbolized the balance of female and male power. The bride is often seen with the red veil that covering her head and sometimes her face. Among the most prominent features in these weddings is the bridal gown. A majority of the brides wear up to six dresses in a single wedding night. Nothing matches the passion and charm of red Chinese wedding dresses in the ceremony.

Choosing a Chinese Wedding Dress

Choosing the wedding gown is a very important decision. The dress sets the tone of the entire ceremony and therefore the bride should feel special and comfortable in the gown. It is vital to ensure this while choosing the dress. Thus, one is advised to shop at a renowned designer to ensure authenticity. However, one should consider their budgets before making a purchase. With this, one should also consider alternate options for instance, renting the wedding gown.

Some prospective couples prefer a themed ceremony to complement their renaissance or medieval wedding dress. For them, nothing utters romance than traveling back in time. Whatever dresses a bride decides to allocate for their wedding, choosing a dress that exudes the beauty and aura of the bride in the best manner possible. A bride can choose a gown with traditional embellishments looking like a bell-shaped skirt with a modern fitting or lace made using satin and decorated with beautiful frills. Select long Chinese wedding dresses with mind-blowing decorations made of flower patterns. Some embroidery and beadwork can add up to the dress’s beauty.

The dresses are mostly presented with long low lines; choose cut sleeves to present one in a moderate way. Consider a large selection of marriage dresses that come in different materials, sizes and styles for a Chinese bridal gown. When ordering a gown, always give one’s right measurements. Give it arty to see if it fits and point out all shortcomings and correct them.

A wedding is a special moment therefore the wedding gown chosen must serve to exude this importance in the entire ceremony. Every bride should ensure that the attire chosen is comfortable so that she is at ease in all the activities of that special day.

hot russian brides

If there is anything at all Africa is in need of, it is nothing but cultural education of life. The financial demands of traditional marriages and funeral ceremonies in this part of the world have completely brought many individuals and families to down to their knees, ruination and even sent them to early graves courtesy of stroke or high blood-pressure; still we are far from learning great lessons maybe because we have become inured to learning our lessons in hard ways.

Consummations of traditional marriages and funeral ceremonies constantly occur anywhere in the world but what follows upon occurrences in Africa is a situation which if not well managed could also lead to the death of newly-weds or deceased families as the case maybe. This write-up is particularly concerned about traditional marriages in Africa especially in the Nigerian society and the greedy roles played by such families.

Many traditional weddings in Africa have after the ceremonies welcomed poverties and disheartening images in the homes of the newly-weds. This can be   particularly blamed on the family of the bride because they always want everything from grooms, a situation like this may also be blamed on the couple, who for what the people of the world may assume them, overstretch their spending by accepting loans, borrowing and even disposing-off valuable possessions just to meet up with marriage demands. It is therefore not uncommon to find couple begging for foods two weeks after holding their marriage.

The aftermaths of extravagance, unnecessary grand and colourful activities that are tied to marriages often leave couples in chains, abandonment and in sorrow. I shall try to explain how families of brides in many part of Africa sale their daughters thus making life meaningless for them.

In our African society, many cultures require that a bride-price be paid before a man can marry a woman but the idea of payment of this bride-price has been mismanaged, and grotesquely distorted to means of one-day generation of money for the family of the bride. Our families in Africa have become materialistic only wondering how much more they could making marrying –off their daughters to supposedly wealthy individuals in the society. These families want to keep eating continuously from dowries and bride-price of their daughters.

A situation whereby dowries and pride-price are negotiated should be discouraged because humans are no goods and the days of slavery are past. Interestingly, it is customary for the family of the bride and groom in some part of Africa to employ the middlemen who negotiate and bargain on the price of bride-price to be paid. The same method our fore-fathers who acted as middlemen captured and negotiated away their children who were sold to Europeans slave traders. Many a marriage has been brought to an abrupt end because the representatives of families who went on negotiation would either not agree on any particular sum or the groom could simply not afford the sum levied on his wife to be. This is disgustingly terrible.

The implication of the developments pointed out here is that many unmarried cohabit and bear children which in Nigeria we call “Lagos marriage.” Sometimes cohabiting may be considered immoral in the society but the act has with financial convenience enabled many of such victims to achieve their aims because when the groom comes knocking at the of his in-laws for marriage, he is sometimes leniency maybe accorded him because of the belief that he may after all abandon their daughter.

This greed in families has also led to the bankruptcy of newly-weds and brought about elopements too, and such daughters are never to be seen again until he returns with pregnancy which her clever man may deny. An ugly situation created by this may also be seen in the availability of adult-singles who litter around African streets, many of these singles have availed themselves of the opportunities to defraud true marriage seekers online especially Americans and Europeans thus further discrediting the image of the continent.

Although, marriage negotiation remains the affair of families involved but greed for high bride-price should be checked and discouraged by governments if this social problem is to be effectively put under check and ugly consequences often leading to large number of divorces in our court should be reduced. In this way, jostling for large share of money from bride-price among family members and elders of villages should be discouraged. We may sometimes expect reasonable family members to accept half of bride-price and return the rest of it to the groom because the money will be used to take care of their daughter, and this way their daughter will be have a happy home. We have also observed some families heads who in the course of marriage negotiations state that they would accept anything given to them.

Unfortunately, many churches in Africa today have encouraged large spending and affluence in the organization of Christian marriages between their members, and many of these churches are still in existence today. It is also stands to reason to understand that two of the Christian denominations who have stood out, not being carried away by unreasonable demands are Deeper Life Bible Church and Jehovah’s Witnesses. Anyone of you who have had the opportunities to attend weddings organized by these denominations will readily agree that much time and affluence are not exhibited in these churches.

We want to call on the Nigerian Government to curtail the greed occasioned by bride-price by enacting and enforcing a law as we have seen in a tiny West African State of Togo which states that “bride-price can be paid in kind or in cash or in both ways”     

The law adds: “In no case should the amount exceed the sum of 10,000 F CFA (US$20.00).” (Negotiating a Reasonable Bride-Price, www. Watchtower.org)

Our Government of Nigeria should also realize that it owes its subjects social responsibilities, and operating this will make our society a good for all and finally reduce corruption and desperation among the youths of the country. After all marriage can be a free gift from God, and most youths who plunder the society, engage in robberies, assassinations and other forms of nefarious activities do so to favour women.

international dating agencies

Almost all African marriages include dowry or bride’s price or “lobolo” or “bohadi”. A young man would not feel good if he is not required to give “lobolo” or “bohadi”, The amount of money or property or number of cows varies from one family to another and from one tribe to another. A young man pays “lobolo” according to the standards and status of that family or tribe. When the two negotiating teams have finished their job, which might involve two to three visits depending on whether they do not reach a deadlock, a date for sealing a covenant or relationship between two families would be arranged. Normally the prospective bride’s family arranges that ceremony, which is also coupled with the ritual of receiving and accepting the prospective bridegroom into the family as their son. A sheep is slaughtered and its blood is used as a material to seal to a covenant and confirm a relationship between two families.

Traditionally a man does not pay the bride’s price or dowry or “bohadi” or “lobolo” in full because that would be interpreted to mean that his family is breaking ties with his prospective wife’s family. In fact, the young man must be seen to be struggling to pay the rest of the amount, and a concession would be made for him to pay less than the amount originally required. He would pay 80 to 90% of the “bohadi” or “lobolo”, and the rest would remain as a balance or debt. The young man is not expected to pay this amount of money or cows. He is eternally indebted to his family-in-law at two levels, (1) for receiving a precious gift of a wife, and (2) for the balance of “lobolo” or “bohadi” that he does not have to pay.

It should be noted that “lobolo” or “bohadi” is not a price to purchase a woman, but a gift to the other woman’s family, and a test to a young man to check if he is capable of providing for his family. Women are precious in African culture, and they are not for sale. In fact, women are encouraged to leave if they are continuously mistreated, especially if both families have tried but have not been able to resolve that conflict. The same applies to a young man. If a young woman misbehaves, and both families are not able to solve that problem, a young man is encouraged either to divorce or (in some cases) to consider polygamy.

African Marriage ceremonies vary from one family to another and from one tribe to another. Marriage is a community event. Among many traditional Africans, there are no invitation cards. For example, in Sesotho culture, a white flag or cloth is flown higher at the bride’s home as a sign to communicate two messages, namely, (1) that there is a wedding in this house, and (2) the entire community is invited.

African marriage ceremonies are often conducted on one day, or two days or even several days – depending on the traditions of the family or tribe. Ceremonies vary from one family to another. There is a lot of preparation in terms of songs to be sung, speeches to be made, counselling of the bride and bridegroom by representatives from families, community, elders, church, king or chief of the territory, friends and neighbours. There is a lot of exchanging of gifts between the two families, gifts from the community members to the newly wedded couple. Marriage brings two families into one.

I think Africa has something to offer to the world in terms of its family and marriage structures, especially in the light of the fact that marriages are under attack and are crumbling. Extended families are critical in ensuring the stability and support of marriages. Uncles and aunts, grannies, and relatives should play a critical role in forming a support for the newly wedded couple. This will ensure a healthy family, healthy tribe or society, and a healthy nation. The wellness and health of the family are critical in providing a healthy nation, and producing peaceful societies.

Like in many cultural groups, African marriages are not perfect and still need to learn from other cultural groups, but Africa has its unique contribution to the world in terms of supportive family and marriage structures, and the concept and practice of “ubuntu”.

african bride